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The Sacred Space Between Us.



Grandmother

The shuffling and smacking of your flip flops on linoleum. 

Rings jingling together on your hand.

Dancing in the park and wishing on stars.

Cracking a carefully shuffled card deck,

war at 11 fish at 7.


Stairs creaking and groaning,

whispered lamentations while we listen to Art Bell

aliens and broadcasting from caves,

conspiracy theories at midnight.


The delight of 5am coffee, black please and thank you


Oh Grandmother, my soul mother

we shared our secrets big and small.

Cotton gowns in the night,

Sour and sweet with the sweat of summer,

what I wouldn't give to be the girl snuggled into your bosom

5 more minutes she said,

5 more minutes she said.


     I've struggled a lot about how to say what I need to say about this experience and yet give insight to the amount of work, both mental and physical, that  this house project takes.  The journey to the point of acquisition is really about all of the things that led up to the decision and much less about what happened after we started. Both parts are obviously important. I cannot tell the story of the house without telling the story of the houses that built me.  I have to give you the stories of the women who built me as well. They had their own quiet strength and perseverance in unthinkable circumstances. 

     When I am alone with my thoughts, I think of my Grandmother. When I need a safe space and arms to hold me, I miss her. She was not a perfect woman, but she was the women in my life who made me feel safe. I loved her round and soft body, perfect for giving comfort. I miss lying next to her at night trying to fall asleep as fast as possible so that her snoring wouldn't keep me up all night. I miss reading to her until we got to the dirty parts of her current book and then her stopping me when things got spicy and skipping chapters. I owe so much of my random knowledge to her voracious reading habits.  When she died I bet we donated 1000 books, maybe even more.

      We talked a lot at the dining room table. That table was our alter, our very own sacred space. If the walls in that room could talk, what a tale they would have to weave. I have sought the sanctity of that space all of my life. I have often been left wanting. 

     When I think back to the times I felt the safest it was in the company of animals or with my grandmother. There was a surety in her presence that made me feel okay with whatever was going on around me. There was always food, water, and warmth. There was always love and a quiet place to retreat. 

     Creating my home is a reckoning of this search for my own sacred space. I love the thought of connecting with a piece of land and a structure and giving it purpose. I wanted to be able to breath life into it and enjoy the reciprocation of my efforts from the space. I have dreamt of my own little patch of earth since those days at my aunts farm. I believe my life's journey to this point has been a manifestation of this desire. No wrong turns, only different opportunities and lesson plans. I'm a stubborn person and I don't give up easily. I think that there have been times when the lessons had to be particularly harsh to get me to make a move. 

     I'd like to take you thru the first video of the house when we made the decision to go ahead with this insane plan. Our vison for the space changed some, we made some adjustments to it as we got to know the space better. 

      In case your wondering my husband must also have a touch of insanity, either that or he loves me  enough to indulge my crazy without judgement. Either way, he is an integral part of this transition, one I could not do life without. When I think of the ways he has embraced the unknown and figured out how to transition himself from sports writer to home builder and farmer, I am truly blown away that God would see fit to give me such a gift. I hope in the future he will inject his whit and charm into this story.  I believe his love and dedication is a gift from the universe as reconciliation for the very aggressive lesson plan I chose for this round of life in my earth suit. What a ride. If you see Farmer Chad in town taking care of the many things that he does for us on the daily show him some love. He lives with a tough customer. 







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